I didn't mean to do it, she was looking so damn fine
We were just talking, it must have been your wine
Cos then we started kissing
I put my hand right up her dress
I laid her under the mistletoe
You can figure out the rest!

And if you're wondering
Why there ain't no presents in my neighbourhood
It's cos I fucked Mrs. Claus, and I fucked her good!

A couple days later, I got a message on the phone
Saying "Come on over, cos Santa isn't home"
So I drove up to the North Pole
Ahe was looking like a dream
I put her up on the kitchen counter
I gave her my size 14!

And now Santa's pissed
But you know I wouldn't change it if I could
Cos I fucked Mrs. Claus, and I fucked her good!

One night it got a little crazy
We did it right in front of the Elves
They were singing "Santa Claus is coming to town"
But I was coming in something else!

If you're wondering why that bloated bastard
Never comes to Hollywood...
I fucked Mrs. Claus, whoa I fucked Mrs. Claus
I fucked Mrs. Claus, and I fucked her good
I fucked Mrs. Claus, and I fucked her good
I fucked Mrs. Claus... and I made her come!